The Sweetest Thing

This is what has been gracing my counter top for the past two and a half weeks.

Over the years seeing this sweet clutter on other people’s counters always made me smile because of who it means they have - a little baby all their own. I’ve washed so many bottles for friends, changed so many diapers, tickled so many tummies; I’ve loved it, and at the same time wondered if God would ever choose to bless me in the same way.

Now here I am with a cute grassy drying rack becoming part of the set of my kitchen and daily routine. And it thrills me because of who it means I have - a little baby all my own. You see, my family is in the middle of another one of God’s incredible stories, one that points to Him and humbles me and makes me so glad to be His.

Would you like to hear about it?

OK, I’ll tell you. 

Here's the short version...

8 years of marriage, 8 years of fun, 8 years of infertility, of learning to trust our sovereign and loving Father. Almost 2 years since God began His first glory-giving adoption story in our family.

Even before Danny and Livi’s adoptions were finalized last November, Michael and I knew we wanted to look into infant adoption. Last October we got the initial paperwork and prayed about the whole thing, that God would direct our paths, and for the future birth mother of our possible child.

In March we started the state-required classes – we were told that our agency usually cancels the 8-week-long sessions if there are less than 3 couples signed up. Our class had only two couples, but they had been canceling so many that they decided to keep it on the calendar.

Lord, is this You clearing the way for us?

We filled out our “child desired form,” checking boxes as to what we would/not be ok with. Any race, we said – but we wanted a boy.

We wanted to raise warriors for Christ 

in this feminizing society of ours! Huah!

We wrote a “match letter” – a letter with lots of family pictures written to potential birth moms telling them all about us. We were told that birth moms choose three families and then make their final selection after meeting each family.

Praying that God would lead the right woman to us, 

and praying a lot for her.

We were told that once the match letter was in circulation the average wait to be matched with a birth mom was 6 months. We made a ton of copies and brought them to the agency to be distributed state-wide.

Grappling for my phone every time it rang from then on 

to see if it was “the call.”

Shortly after we put our match letter out, God moved our hearts to change that child desired form to accept a boy OR a girl. It wasn’t wrong to choose one or the other but we felt we needed to let the Lord bring us whoever He wanted.

YOU direct our path, Lord!

4 weeks later on a Friday in May, Mike found out that we would be moving this fall. I was sad…we’d have to start this whole adoption process all over again in our new city!

More good lessons on resting in His time.

And then that same night we got the call. A very brave and selfless birth mother had chosen us – and not only that, but she hadn’t chosen anyone else! We were the family. She was having a baby girl who would be born in July and had no problem with us leaving so soon.

Lord! Really?! Are you REALLY blessing us like this?!

…And so after lots of baby shopping and planning and preparing, on July 11^th our precious little one was born and we took her home two days later. Her name is Arlie, and we are so in love, and I am so glad she’s not a boy, and I am overwhelmed with God’s love for me. Overwhelmed.

Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, 

coming down from the Father of lights, 

in whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. 

James 1:17

 

A Very Blessed Mama

Today was my first official Mother's Day!  We had the kids last year - my mom was here and made it special by potting a basil plant  and baking a cake for me - but this year it was official since the kids were adopted in November. 

On Friday Mike took the kids out for a while and gave me a couple glorious hours alone at home with the command to stay seated and relaxed (I was a good wife and submitted). On Saturday he went and found a butcher shop and picked up some amazing steaks, got some extras at the grocery store, and came home and prepared dinner all by himself for me! I am still impressed.

 After dinner the kids brought out presents - they had gone to the mall where Mikey got some beautiful sunglasses for me and the kids picked out a workout t-shirt. They were so excited to give it to me! Then Danny presented a project he had made at school, a little book - here are my two favorite pages:

I love it! I always get a kick out of seeing what my friends' kids make on Mother's Day and when he gave it to me I got so choked up! I have a son who made one for me...God is so kind to give me such a sweet-hearted little guy!

Olivia realized she had nothing to give me so she ran upstairs and brought down her toy ambulance and gave it to me. That was so meaningful because she loves emergency vehicles - she hears far-off sirens and yells out "Fire truck! I hope the people are ok!" and always points out police cars, fire trucks, and ambulances on the road. So in her little world giving her mama her only ambulance was a big deal. I feel so loved!

Every day Michael is very appreciative of me and makes sure the kids are aware of all I do (he's amazing), but this weekend he really celebrated me and I feel SO LOVED! God has blessed me more than I know, as I am finding out more and more. I'm so thankful that He made us a little family, that these two precious little souls have been entrusted to me to raise up, AND that I don't have to do it on my own strength!

A Sick but Happy Day

I never thought helping someone throw up would bring me so much joy.

 Today Olivia woke up sick. She gets this stomach bug every so often and today she is weak and nauseated, and I've been tucking her in, cuddling her, and speaking softly and lovingly into her ear when she has to throw up.

As I was watching her fall asleep on my chest I thought back to another time she had this bug - we had had the kids for a few months and at that time she and I hadn't really bonded. Those few days she was sick was a sort of testing period - I was proving my love and devotion to her as her mommy. I still want my mommy when I'm sick, and at that time I hadn't quite won that spot in her life yet. I remember a change in our relationship after that; God had used her sick tummy to bring us closer together. 

"God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love Him, 

who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

Today is different from that day. There is no doubt in her mind that I'll comfort and care for her; she expects it and relies on it. I love being her mommy, her safe place. I love when she asked me today all puppy-eyed, "Mama, will you lay down with me?" and as soon as we got snuggled, she fell asleep. I love thinking about how far God has brought us in the past year and that what my mom is to me, I am becoming to her - just as sure, just as comforting as if I'd been there all along.

Boy vs. Girl

One reason it's super fun to have a boy and a girl is because we get to see the amazing ways God uniquely creates males and females. There are such differences, and so early on in life!

Mike and I laughed at one together last night. As you know, I've been rocking Olivia before bed and singing to her. I also recently started stroking her face while I rock; just one soft finger drawing little paths all around her sweet little face as I sing to her. She loves it, and every night as we're brushing her teeth she makes sure I'm planning on doing it. She says, "Mom, will you pease do this to me tonight?" and she pokes her stubby little finger around her face.

She's been fighting the flu so for the last couple of nights I've had the huge blessing of rocking her to sleep. Oh...those sweet moments in my life...my heart swells and I praise my loving Father for letting me experience them with her, my daughter! Last night we got all snuggled in her pink crocheted blanket and started rocking, both of us looking at each other and smiling. She just stared into my eyes as I sang. I LOVE watching her...watching her little eyes fighting to stay open but slowly losing the battle against the swaying chair, the soft humming, and mommy stroking her soft face...soon her eyes closed, then opened every so often, looking right up at mine. Oh my, how thankful I am for those moments and that I am her mommy, the very last thing she sees and the very last voice she hears singing of God's love before she falls asleep. We love our time together, my girl and me!

So last night as my heart is swelling, I lay my sleeping beauty down and cover her all snuggly and pink and say "I love you," as I shut the door, even though I know she can't hear me. And I walk down the hall to Danny who is waiting for me to say good night. He is sitting up in bed, all energy, and asks if I will rock him. Of course! He is quite a bit bigger and heavier than tiny Livvi, but we manage to get him on my lap and wrap his big 6-year-old body with his spiderman blanket, and I begin singing the gentle songs I always sing to him. He is looking into my eyes just like Livvi had been and I think to myself that I will stroke my sweet boys face too. He'll love it.

I start at his forehead and he says "Mmm, that feels good!" Then I slowly move down his cheek, and he starts getting a look in his eyes...and by the time I'm down around his chin he is pretending to be a dog, snapping and bouncing and trying to bite my finger. 

And there's the difference between my boy and my girl! I love it! I'm thankful I have a boy who is all boy, along with a tender heart, and a girl who is all girl, along with a love of adventure. My kiddos. :)

Danny Boy

Our son has the goofiest way of smiling for pictures.

He says the funniest things, but not always on purpose.

          "Mom, I think that man is from Mexico because he looks a little Jewish."

When he prays, I am amazed at my God who can do so much in such a young heart.

He sleeps with one of Michael's t-shirts under his head and snuggles up to one of mine:

          "It makes me feel so close to you." 

This is one special little guy God brought along to us. A couple months ago in the middle of breakfast he said, "I think God saved me last night." My heart flip-flopped...up until now when he was asked if he was a Christian he would say, "I don't think so. I just don't know if I believe it." He told me that while he had been laying in bed the night before he was praying...

          "Jesus, my mom and dad say that You're true, and they don't lie. 

          If they say You died for me then I believe it."

And it was that simple! Faith like a child. Begging God to grant our children salvation has been our most frequent topic of prayer - how AWESOME is God to grant that to us so early on!! We are so thankful for God's answered prayers and humbled that He would use us in this kiddo's life. Time will tell if it's genuine...It's been neat to see small changes in him and so refreshing to be able to interact with his as another believer. God has done so many special things in this little life already, I'm excited to see what He does through the years.

A Rocking Chair

Adopting older kids has meant not only adjusting to a new life personally but also being responsible for the transition of our kids and keeping a very close eye how each of them are adapting. A few months into my life as a mother, I noticed that Olivia had not really bonded with me much. She is so bright and cheery and she liked me, but I hadn't become her safe place yet. I know it will just take time, but in order to help our relationship along I decided to get a rocking chair.

One of my favorite childhood memories is of my mom wrapping me in a blanket and singing to me as she rocked me. I remember looking up into her face and feeling so cozy and safe; it's something I've always looked forward to doing with my own kids. So I found one on craigslist, nice and rickety, and we went and picked it up. It's become part of our routine now; we rock and sing before nap time and bedtime every day. "You rock me before I go night night?"

At first she was very squirmy, as she has been from the beginning; always wired and never wanting to just be still for more than 15 seconds. The more we rocked each day the more quiet and still she became, looking up at me, and the more we have became not just a woman in a chair holding a little girl but a mother and a daughter.

I didn't realize how much God has used our rocking chair in our relationship until a couple of weeks ago. Em was having her baby shower, so Mike sent me packing to Austin for the weekend (amazing man). It was my first time away from the kids for more than 24 hours and Mike's first time along with them for so long. One night I got this in a text from him:

Mike was putting her to bed and on their first rock backward they just kept going - this is the result! There were no injuries, but Olivia lost it and was crying so hard because she thought I wouldn't be able to rock her anymore. Mike said, "Baby, you have no idea how much it means to her the time you two have together rocking in that chair." He couldn't console her for a while, but finally she understood that he would fix it or get a different one. (He also took a picture of her crying and I wish I could post it! SO precious.)

He will tend his flock like a shepherd;
    he will gather the lambs in his arms;
he will carry them in his bosom,
    and gently lead those that are with young.

Isaiah 40:11

I love my Lord! It is so neat to look back and see these little decisions that God gives me, like buying the rocking chair, that He uses in big ways for us. He is gently leading me. He is so kind to me! I read once that, "He is the Father of fatherhood and the source of all motherhood." I look back and see in myself a failure as a mother but success in what God has done, and that's really all I want, for His strength to be seen. I praise God for the blessing to my sweet daughter and me this chair has been!

Mike got home recently from being gone for 4 months overseas. I steered clear of sharing anything online; we try to be super careful about sharing too much information. Most nights of the deployment Olivia prayed, "Dear Jesus, thank you Daddy come home, us, hurry hurry." And we are SO thankful God answered our daily prayers for a safe return! It is good to finally get back to being a whole family again. We took time to go camping, had lots of fun waffle mornings, and enjoyed just being together for the couple week before Mike had to go back to work. Then we got back into the swing of things and we are happy to be back to learning our new normal as a family of 4.

This morning at church we sang How Firm a Foundation and the fourth and fifth verses made me think back to the deployment...

"When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
For I will be with thee thy troubles to bless
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress."

 
we went through a lot while Mike was away; a broken leg, a torn meniscus, a move into a new house, a minor surgery...and it was AWESOME to see God provide through it all! Our lovely family members sacrificed and stayed for over half the time Mike was gone and were present for each of the big events - God's protection. Our church body also loved us SO much through it all, especially during the move which they organized and carried out themselves as I laid on the couch icing my knee. Friends here served us so well by watching the kids often, letting me go to doctors appointments and giving me breaks. All the while poor Mikey had to sit there overseas wishing he could be here to protect his family...

Right now I'm remembering walking into the orthopedic office for her broken leg check-up; I carried her in my left arm with her hot pink cast sticking out and used a crutch with my right arm because I still couldn't walk myself. It makes me laugh now - it felt like it would never end! But here we are, and I look back now smiling because I see how God used it for our good. God used it all to bring us closer together as a family and to grow our trust in Him. He humbled me and MADE me have to ask for help frequently. He used our church to encourage us which encouraged them in return. The kids' relationships with family members grew. Mike lead us in amazing ways from 1000s of miles away and came home an even better leader than before. And I know I don't know the half of what He has done here...

"When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply.
The flames shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine."

And that is what this life is all about; letting Him refine me and pull me closer through the heat! I'm thankful.

A Family Recipe

 Ingredients:

1. 2 children in a foster home in Tucson, AZ, waiting for a family.

2. A husband and wife, married 6 years, waiting for God to grow their family.

3. God's eternal sovereignty that moves the man and wife to Tucson, AZ.

Directions:

Just add water.

I'm sitting in my freshly-organized living room on my favorite red over-sized chair, enjoying the sun and breeze-blown trees out my windows and the quiet in the house; it's nap time around here. Olivia is asleep in my bed, a special treat. "Peas, Mommy, I seep your own room, nap?" she had asked this morning. She was singing the hymn Rock of Ages to herself a while ago but has quieted down now, so I know she is sleeping. Daniel is in his room and I can hear him chattering away to himself, having a conversation with someone about how he is in the Air Force and has to go to Africa now. "But it's OK, because that's what God wants me to do. And I gotta obey God."

With all the stunningly fast changes and adjustments, I forget to stop and realize what is going on here. God, before He made time, had planned all this. He planned for Mike and me to be unable to have children naturally. He planned for Daniel and Olivia to be born into a family that didn't know Him and just couldn't get their lives together. He planned for them to be placed in a foster home that loves Him and His word and that kept them in their home for over 2 years, praying for a Christian family to come along. He planned to bring Mike and me to Tucson, and to have us all meet up in the same little church.

When we moved here in August, God made it clear pretty quickly which church was for us, and we quickly got involved. We got to know several families, one being the kids' foster family. They had us over for dinner and it was fun getting to know them and meeting their cute foster kids, but no one thought much of what would happen.

One night, about 2 months after moving here, another young couple had us over for dinner. They had been planning on adopting 2 kids from within the church but had just that day decided it wasn't God's plan for them; they had twins a few months ago and were already on to number 3. "You aren't interested in adopting 2 kids, are you? Haha." Jesse had said. Mike and I had driven separately, and on our drives home, we both prayed about it. I decided not to say a thing about it, but to let the Lord do all the work in Mike's heart. And He did. The next morning we woke up, and Mike said, "France, we need to seriously pray about these kids." Crazy! So we did, and we called all of our immediate family to pray with us. Almost immediately we felt we should at least move forward with it, whatever that meant, so we waited and prayed for a week to make sure. By the end of the week we had met with our friends to learn where exactly do we go from here, and had enrolled in the 10-week-long classes that the state requires we take in order to foster or adopt. Because God was just rolling out His plan, the next class started in just a couple of weeks.

And so began all of the paperwork and assignments and To Do lists and home visits and evaluations and prayers. Oh my, how many prayers have been said! We have had SO many people praying with us through this, it has been humbling to know that so many of you love us and prayed so fervently for us, and it has been exciting to see God answer your prayers! Truly amazing, to see Him working through your prayers.

There were lots of nights of confusion and seeking God's will, learning to trust in ways I've not had to before, coming to the point of truly saying "Lord, my life is Yours, do with it what You want! I will follow." Scary, but so wonderful to learn in a new way trust my Jesus.

Early in February a meeting was held at the adoption agency to choose between us and another family. Early in the afternoon, Mike called and asked if I was sitting down. I was driving to the grocery store so I pulled over and he said, "We've been chosen!" What a strange feeling! I quickly changed directions and drove straight to the base so I could give him a quick hug and kiss before he flew that day, then got to work making T-shirts that said "Mom" and "Dad" for later that day when we would skype and tell all of our family.

Our families are too wonderful to really explain...everyone has been so excited and supportive and encouraging and level-headed. We have the best families! It was so fun to tell everyone - Mike's parents, Aba and Abo, who were now becoming the grandparents of not 3 but 5 children; Uncle Travis and Aunt Candy and their 3 kids who were getting 2 brand new cousins; my parents who were becoming Grandma and Grandpa for the very first time; Uncle Jon, Aunt Gaga, Uncle Sam, and Aunt Tess who were all becoming first-time aunts and uncles! It was such a fun night.

The next day began the "transition"...another story. From that night we started praying about the kids to the day they moved in with us as our son and daughter, it was almost exactly 4 months. That's pretty fast. But so obviously God's plan and so easy to ride the wave of His sovereignty and love.

This verse was huge for me through all of the emotions and questions and unknowns:

"The steps of a man are established by the Lord, and He delights in his way. When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One who holds his hand." 

Psalm 37:23-24

Through the last six months, the thing we asked for the most from the Lord was for Him to make it clear to us what His will was so we could do it. He was gracious and answered our prayers, and here we are in His will, with a little girl sweetly asleep in our bed and a little boy in his room imagining he is grown up and just like his Daddy.

First God plans our lives, then He delights in watching His plan unfold. He is good! The God who made the Milky Way is delighting in forming and growing our little family of four. Lord, let this little family live for You!

On Friday I got to watch B for a while and then take him to school. While we were at his house he showed me lots of his toys, his bible memory verses from AWANA, and we ate lunch. He is 5 and super sharp, and we had some great conversations. I wrote them down shortly after because I wanted to remember them!

As we were sitting at the table playing with some magnetic toys, he was telling me about the different people at his school.

"There's this boy as my school, his name is Riley. He's my friend, and we run away from the girls on the playground."

"Well how fun to have a friend you get to play with!"

"Yeah. There's this girl Sarah - she's mean to me."

"Oh, that's too bad. How is she mean to you?"

Making a 3D box out of magnets..."Well, she yells at me a lot, and she yells in my ear."

"Well that's not very nice."

"Yeah."

I thought, Hmm, I know this is a great teaching opportunity! Lord, what do I say?

"Hey buddy, did you know that people were also really mean to Jesus?"

"No."

"Yeah. People yelled at Him, and made fun of Him."

Pulling a magnet snake across the table..."Why did they do that?"

"Because He wanted them all to know that He was God, but they didn't believe Him. Do you know how He responded to them?"

"He tried to annoy them."

"Nope...He LOVED them! And He was KIND to them!"

"Well why did He do that?"

"Because He is God! And He never sins. He is perfect all of the time, and He is always loving to people."

"I don't think I could do that all the time."

Sweet! He totally gets it! He's so smart. "You are so right! I can't either. No person can. Do you remember what Romans 6:23 says?"

"Romans 6:23. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."

"Great job! So, 'wages' are things that we earn, and because of our sin, we earn death. Death is separation from God forever."

"How long is forever?"

"It doesn't have an end...when you think it's going to end, it just keeps going and going and never ending, ever. ... Hey buddy, can you say your John 3:16 verse for me?"

"John 3:16. For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life."

"Great! So, why did God send Jesus to us?"

"I don't know."

"Because of our sin! Jesus was born, and was a boy, just like you are, and grew up into a man just like Mr. Padilla, and all His life, He never sinned! Do you know why He never sinned?"

"Because He's God."

"Right! And when He grew up, He was killed. He died for us, in our place!"

"Well why?"

"Because He loves us! Even though we are sinners, He loves us. Remember from John 3:16? It says that because God loved us, He sent us Jesus to die for us so that God could forgive us. And if we believe that He died and can forgive us, then He says He'll give us eternal life - life that lasts forever instead of death that lasts forever.

"Huh."

...So that was that, and I'm so thankful for that conversation! It was kind of choppy and pretty tough coming up with ways to explain things to a 5 year old, but I know God can still use it in his little heart, and I pray that He does!

A while later we were putting on his shoes so he could get to school and he started crying because he wanted to wear a different pair.

"Well what's wrong with these shoes, buddy? I like them!"

"Everyone says they're not good, and that I can't run fast in them."

"Oh. So you want to wear these shoes because you think you can run faster in them."

"Yeah, and everyone says those ones aren't good."

"OK, buddy, well you can just ask me to wear this pair, you don't need to cry, OK?"

"OK."

We tried putting the 'good' ones on, but they were way too small.

"Oh, buddy, these are too small! That's why you can't wear them."

More tears..."But everyone makes fun of those ones!"

Oh, Lord! Another teaching opportunity! Help!

I pulled him onto my lap..."Oh, buddy, I know how you feel! You don't want to wear these shoes because people might make fun of them and say that they're not good shoes, and that you can't run fast on the playground."

Huge tears falling onto my jeans..."Yeah."

Lord, what do I say?

"Well, God says that people look at what is on the outside - your classmates look at you and they see what is on the outside of your body: you shoes, your jeans, your shirt, your hair; but God sees what is inside of you - what is in your heart, what you think, how you treat people. So your classmates see whats on the outside of your body and will say what they want to say about it, but you can be like Jesus and be kind, because God sees what's on your inside, and it matters more what God sees than what people see."

"Ok, I don't want to get a red mark for being late. Can we go now?"

(haha) "Sure, buddy." And we happily put on the 'not good' ones and headed out.

So I don't know if that one affected him either, but I know I got to talk about my God to him and the He'll do what He wants to with it. It was awesome to see God helping me through the conversations, and I'm thankful for the practice!

Since October we've been praying about and pursuing adoption. There are 2 children in our church who we are praying about adopting. Crazy...I'll update in another post sometime. For now I just want to keep up with fun stuff as it happens.

On Saturday we had The 2 over from noon until 7, then put them to bed at their house and sat until midnight. Mike's parents were still in town and the 6 of us had fun taking ornaments off of our tree; Mom Padilla handed the kids a few ornaments and they carried them over to me where I wrapped them up in tissue paper. At one point the Boy was looking at an ornament as he was bringing it to me and he said, "Hey, I made this!" I looked at it, and it was one of a few foam ornaments that had been included in a large holiday care package that our church had put together for it's members who were serving in the military. We had opened the care package a few weeks ago and thought these little child-made ornaments were so cute and thoughtful and we hung them on our tree. So here was the Boy holding this ornament that he had made which had made it's way to us. He was so excited! A few minutes later we found another one that he recognized and he said, "I made this one too!" and was so happy he jumped into my arms for a big hug. :)

The 3 guys took the tree to the lot to drop it off while the 3 girls stayed home and payed. Later we all went for a walk. It was so fun to watch Michael running after B on his bike, and G kept yelling after Michael, "DIA!" (she can't say "Mr. Padilla" or "Mrs. Padilla," so she calls us both "Dia."). Mike would turn around and run toward her and I'd run pushing her in the stroller until we crashed into him, G giggling so hard. So fun!

The kids call their foster parents Mama and Papa. When we were giving the kids a bath later that evening, G was sitting there playing, and quietly sang to herself, "My mama, my papa, my brother, my Dia." Precious.

I was reading Psalm 30 yesterday and when I came to the last two verses, I noticed that I had underlined them sometime in the past. I don't know why they stuck out to me back then, but yesterday they meant something new to me.

"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, that my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent. Oh Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever."

God has done this in me! 6 years of wanting to be a mom, to make Michael a daddy, hoping and waiting and praying...left to myself I would have been and would be a rumpled pile of self-pity and jealousy. But praise God that He has been SO good to me and has kept me close to Him, always reminding me of His love and sovereignty and that it's not what happens to me in this life that matters but how I respond to it and whether or not I glorify my God through it. His plan is best and that's all I want, whatever it is.

He has given me a husband who is compassionate toward me when I'm emotional, gently corrects my perspective when I'm tempted to despair, and is my best friend, my favorite person.

He has kept me from envying people in my life who are being blessed with their first or fourth child and instead given me the ability to be truly and deeply joyful and excited with them. He Himself is the fulfillment of all my desires and I need nothing else.He has taught me,

"My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken."

He has given me so many people along the way to help and encourage me, so many people who pray for us. He has given me the endurance to keep renewing my mind with His truths and an eternal perspective when I'm tempted with self-pity, and earthly focus.

He has taught me contentment in Him and gratitude on a level I never would have reached had He not blessed us with this trial.

I could write forever...and I believe He has given this to me and lead me through it so that like David in this Psalm said, "my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent."

That's really all I want, for my life to point to Christ. "Consider it all joy, my brethren..." and I do! By His strength in me, by His power alone in me. I see Michael and myself as blessed to be here and be able to view our life and show people all the ways God has worked in us, to point to Him. And it all goes back to the cross; I have His power because He died for me and gave me repentance and forgave me. He made me right with Him and I'm accepted and cared for unconditionally! I want people to look at me and not see me, but Jesus. He is my life!

We're not at the end of the road here...this is just a moment of pause in the middle of a life to stop and reflect. Now looking ahead, I know the faithfulness of my God, and am excited for what He has for us. I will still struggle with wanting a baby and with a multitude of other things in life, but I know the faithfulness of my God!

"Oh Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever."

Ketchup

My, oh my!
Here's what has happened since July...

...Mom Padilla and Em helped us move to Tucson. Such a fun trip! We spent a week in lodging on base together.

...We found a lovely house and are very thankful God put us here. We love it!

...We found an awesome church and have been LOVING spending time with everyone! We've had so many dinner invites and get-togethers, so fun!

...We visited Stephanie and Jeremy in NV; first time in 4 years the 4 of us had been together! So much fun, LOVE those guys! Addie was getting big...

...We said goodbye to our new and wonderful friends Andy and Olga

...I visited NV for Steph's baby shower (she's sooo cute pregnant!)Can't WAIT to meet that little girl!!

...We did a 3-day backpacking trip; amazingly beautiful and so super fun.

...Mom Padilla visited and we all went to a family wedding in Phoenix.

...Mike and I went to the AZ state fair! I showed my devotion and love for him by riding the feris wheel.

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Lake Ouachita

Yesterday we went kayaking on Lake Ouachita! It's in a national forest close by to Hot Springs. We had tried to go last week but turned around due to thunderstorms, so we were pretty antsy to get on the water - well, I was - Mike was just doing it for me, sweet guy.

We got up early and drove 2 hours through the beautiful forest and made it to the marina where we rented our kayaks and let in to the water! After about 10 minutes of paddling around and exploring the huge lake, Mike realized that there was a hole in his kayak! The water in the bottom was growing and I could tell that his boat was lower in the water. So he started paddling like crazy to get back to the marina for a new boat - I almost wet my pants laughing so hard as my funny husband who had never kayaked before and didn't really want to be doing it was paddling to save his life, and with every stroke of the paddle his boat sunk a little more. HILARIOUS. Being the good wife I am, I prayed for his safety and his attitude as I was laughing hysterically.

So he got a new kayak and we set off again; this time everything was wonderful! We had so much fun exploring and paddling around and enjoying such beautiful creation.

After a while we found the tiniest island where we stopped and had a snack and a swim.

Mike was brave and brought his phone on board; thanks for the great pics, Mikey!Taking a break and enjoying the sun and the breeze...
The day was perfect, just the two of us on the water together; Mike ended up loving kayaking so much that we're talking about getting our own and scoping out bodies of water around Tucson!

After we got home and showered, we ended the day with a dinner date at Bonefish Grill. Yum!I love my dear husband so much! And I'm so thankful to God for such a wonderful day with him; we both agree that this was the best day we've had on our Little Rock adventure.

Coffee and the Kindness of my Lord

Today I spent some time at Starbucks, sitting by the window with my bible and journal as rain was pouring down. It reminded me of another rainy day I had spent at a Starbucks...

About 3 years ago, on a rainy day in San Antonio, I had taken my bible and journal to Starbucks. We had moved to TX a couple of months ago and we were loving it; new city, new house, new church...but that day the rain was reminding me of Omaha and the dear people we had just left behind. It made me miss familiarity and the days when I could go to any Starbucks in town and run into a friend.

As I sat there, I journaled and prayed to the Lord, crying a little and asking for His comfort, when all of the sudden I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around, and there were Mary Asher and Martha Zamber, two wonderful ladies from our new church! How wonderful is God's love! I felt so loved by Him, to send these two loving new friends to me exactly in my moment of sadness!

Mary and Martha are in their 60's and have been good friends for a long time. They meet once a week together at that Starbucks to encourage each other in their marriages and ministry and walks with the Lord. I was so happy to see them; the joy of seeing other Christians throughout the day, knowing that these "older" women of the faith still regularly meet to urge each other on, to so keenly see God's kindness and tenderness toward me...God is so kind, and He showed me in a very particular way that rainy day.

Over time, that Starbucks became familiar...it became a place that I would frequently run into people I knew! Hmm...makes me wonder which coffee shop in Tucson will become "our" coffee shop and who we will get to know there....

"How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! And the children of men take refuge in the shadow of Your wings.

They drink their fill of the abundance of Your house, and You give them to drink of the river of Your delights.

For with You is the fountain of life; in Your light we see light."

Psalm 36:7-9

Another Visit

Last weekend Mike's parents came to visit us from Louisville! They are wonderful and we always have a great time together. We had a fun and relaxing time hanging out, talking, watching a couple of flicks.

On Friday night we went out for a nice dinner at Bonefish Grill to celebrate Father's day! On Saturday we got up super early and climbed up Pinnacle Mountain...those Padillas are mountain goats. Here we are at the top...

It was a serious climb and we all felt amazing after we got to the bottom.

That night a family from the Bible Church of Little Rock, where we've been going, had us over for a cookout. It was nice to have Mom and Dad meet the people we're getting to know here.

Sunday morning we left early for church and enjoyed some time at starbucks together, and after church they had to head back to KY. We're so thankful for them, had a great time and are super excited to be with them and the Herlads over the 4th! Thanks for coming, Mom and Dad!

I Was a Wand'ring Sheep

A hymn by Horatius Bonar (1808-1889)

I was a wand'ring sheep,

I did not love the fold;

I did not love my Shepherd's voice,

I would not be controlled.

I was a wayward child,

I did not love my home;

I did not love my Father's voice,

I loved afar to roam.

The Shepherd sought His sheep,

The Father sought His child;

They followed me o'er vale and hil,

O'er deserts waste and wild.

They found me nigh to death,

Famished and faint and lone;

They bound me with the bonds of love,

They saved the wand'ring one.

They spoke in tender love,

They raised my drooping head;

They gently closed me bleeding wounds,

My fainting soul They fed.

They washed my filth away,

They made me clean and fair;

They brought me to my home peace,

The long-sought wanderer.

Jesus my Shepherd is,

'Twas He that loved my soul;

'Twas He that washed me in His blood,

'Twas He that made me whole.

'Twas He that sought the lost,

That found the wand'ring sheep;

'Twas He that brought me to the fold,

'Tis He that still doth keep.

No more a wnd'ring sheep,

I love to be controlled;

I love my tender Shepherd's voice,

I love the peaceful fold.

No more a wayward child;

I seek no more to roam,

I love my heavenly Father's voice,

I love, I love His home.

*******

Oh, I love this. It makes me want to fly to heaven right now and finally be with my tender Shepherd who sought me and found me and loves me!

Update on Life in Little Rock

Hard to believe, but we've been here in Little Rock for a month! We've had a lot of fun here, and it's been great just to be together. We'll be here for another month and a half. We drove in from Austin late in the vening and got into our hotel room, our new home, and crashed. The next day we got all settled in, and the next day was Mike's forst day of school! Here he is heading off to class...

When I dropped him off I went and enjoyed some quiet time with the Lord at the lake on base. I LOVE water and this was such a peaceful spot to pray and remember that through all of this change and feelings of homesickness my God never changes; He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, and He is my life!
Since being here we've enjoyed several new restaurants on date nights! Our first date night we went to Cajun's Wharf on the river. We had a great seafood dinner inside then drinks and live acoustic music on the patio. Loved it! Later in the evening there was a full live band in the basement. We had fun listening and wathching people dance, and as soon as we got up to leave they started playing "Amazon Woman," so we had to stay and dance for that one. :)

Here we are on the patio; I thought it was funny that I had a beer and Mike had a sissy drink in a jar.






At Orange Leaf frozen yogurt place on another date night...




At a breakfast place recommended by Bart and Shannon...





We've also had the pleasure of seeing some friends as they've passed through LR! The day after we arrived, Ally, my friend I used to meet with in San Antonio, flew in and stayed the night with us before heading to Memphis for her sister's graduation.

Last week Jelaine and the kids came into town with her sister so her sister could see some old friends. It was so good to see them! We hadn't met their little daughter yet - she is adorable and so smiley! And Tre is so big and so smart! What a blessing to see good friends.

One thing we've looked forward to here is enjoying the outdoors. Arkansas is called The Natural State. Last weekend we hiked up Pinnacle mountain! It was a challenge, but we loved it!

On our way up...

At the top!

What a view!

The other night we went out for dinner with Mike's 4 other class mates. Being the only spouse to tag along to Little Rock, I was asked by one of them: "So it begs the question...what do you DO all day?" :) My life here is pretty chill and I'm loving it! I'm viewing it kind of a time to exercise my spiritual life by being able to have long quiet times in the word and reading some good solid books to grow my love for God, and as a time to exercise physically. We wake up and have breakfast together then go to starbucks for our Americanos...

Then I drive Mike to work and go home for my quiet time. Then I work out...I've been taking a weight-lifint class and a Zumba class (SO fun!), and swimming laps and running a bit, all throughout the week. Mike comes home for lunch and I have a couple of hours to read, write emails and letters, skype with friends and family, do laundry, embroider and listen to sermons...then he comes home and we get to hang out a ton! It's super nice, and I'm thankful for this time to be with Mike so much since work in Tucson will be pretty demanding.

We're liking our time here and have REALLY been enjoying The Bible Church of Little Rock! AWEsome teaching and really friendly people. We went to a care group last Sunday night and stayed until 11:30! We're so very thankful for this fellowships and teaching!

More to come on Life in Little Rock...

(Here is a sign posted in the women's locker room at the gym that made me chuckle...)

Memorial Day

Travis, Candy, and the kids drove all the way down here for Memorial day weekend! an 8-hour drive with 3 kids under the age of 3 isn't easy. We felt so loved! They arrived at about 9am so Mike and I took Truman and Eva to the park while Travis and Candy rested up a bit.

Then we all spent some time in our little hotel room. We weren't sure how the kids would respond to us; Candy has done a really great job of showing them pictures of both of us and talking about us a lot so they'd remember us, and it didn't take Truman long to warm up to his Tio! Here they are wrestling - you may not be able to see, but Truman is laughing so hard!

Truman is so much fun to play with! He is so smart and intuitive; it's amazing the concepts he understands. He is so good at baseball it's scary! It helps to have a softball star for a mom and a dad who played baseball all his life!

That night they headed to their hotel. There was no room for them in the inn here on base so they had to get a room several minutes off of base. Because of some confusion on my part, the hotel they ended up in was further away than necessary and more expensive; but they ended up meeting another young mother who lives in Louisville and wants to hang out with Candy! As Candy sweetly pointed out, if I hadn't made that mistake, she wouldn't have met this new friend. God is so good and it;s so fun to see His sovereignty! So often what we think is a bad thing is just Him working out His will in a good way!

On Sunday we had our Memorial Day cookout at the base lake! It was a great place to hang out outside, and the kids had fun feeding the ducks, looking forrocks and throwing them into the water, and playing baseball (they're both really good!) I love how Eva is all wound up for a big toss of bread!

This is little Gabriella, is she not just darling? She has the perfect temperment for being the third child in a busy family. As long as she's comfy, she is totally content just sitting and watching everyone. She's so squishy and comfy and fun to hold!

Tio with his nieces and nephew...

That night we went for a walk around base where the airplanes are displayed. T took his bubbles with him and was much more interested in them than in seeing airplanes from American history. :)

Sweet mama with her two oldest...

In the morning we met up for breakfast and M and I took the kids to a playground while Trav and Can packed up.

Eva is so cute; she is intense in whatever task she is doing and is totally fearless! She'll be one driven young lady in a few years (and a beautiful one!)

The kids like to pretend they're behind a counter taking food orders; in this pic Truman is handing me a cheesburger and milkshake I asked him to make for me. SO cute!

Fearless Eva. She climbed right on up with no help. Tio was the scared one!

Before they took off we went to the mall, walked around, and had lunch. How CUTE it Gaba in her little fedora?!

Getting into the van for the ride home. Eva is rockin her new shades, keepin it real at the wheel.

We are SO thankful they came down! It was so great to have the whole family to ourselves and for the kiddos to get to know us a little more. We love those stinkers SO much! Watching Travis and Candy as parents was really encouraging; they work together so well and clearly love their children very much and are doing such a great job of teaching and trainging them. It was fun to see and fun to learn from them. Thanks for coming, guys! We love you!