I was reading Psalm 30 yesterday and when I came to the last two verses, I noticed that I had underlined them sometime in the past. I don't know why they stuck out to me back then, but yesterday they meant something new to me.

"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, that my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent. Oh Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever."

God has done this in me! 6 years of wanting to be a mom, to make Michael a daddy, hoping and waiting and praying...left to myself I would have been and would be a rumpled pile of self-pity and jealousy. But praise God that He has been SO good to me and has kept me close to Him, always reminding me of His love and sovereignty and that it's not what happens to me in this life that matters but how I respond to it and whether or not I glorify my God through it. His plan is best and that's all I want, whatever it is.

He has given me a husband who is compassionate toward me when I'm emotional, gently corrects my perspective when I'm tempted to despair, and is my best friend, my favorite person.

He has kept me from envying people in my life who are being blessed with their first or fourth child and instead given me the ability to be truly and deeply joyful and excited with them. He Himself is the fulfillment of all my desires and I need nothing else.He has taught me,

"My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken."

He has given me so many people along the way to help and encourage me, so many people who pray for us. He has given me the endurance to keep renewing my mind with His truths and an eternal perspective when I'm tempted with self-pity, and earthly focus.

He has taught me contentment in Him and gratitude on a level I never would have reached had He not blessed us with this trial.

I could write forever...and I believe He has given this to me and lead me through it so that like David in this Psalm said, "my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent."

That's really all I want, for my life to point to Christ. "Consider it all joy, my brethren..." and I do! By His strength in me, by His power alone in me. I see Michael and myself as blessed to be here and be able to view our life and show people all the ways God has worked in us, to point to Him. And it all goes back to the cross; I have His power because He died for me and gave me repentance and forgave me. He made me right with Him and I'm accepted and cared for unconditionally! I want people to look at me and not see me, but Jesus. He is my life!

We're not at the end of the road here...this is just a moment of pause in the middle of a life to stop and reflect. Now looking ahead, I know the faithfulness of my God, and am excited for what He has for us. I will still struggle with wanting a baby and with a multitude of other things in life, but I know the faithfulness of my God!

"Oh Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever."